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Shanda

A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy

ebook
2 of 2 copies available
2 of 2 copies available

"A frank and often amusing tabulation of well-kept family secrets... a story of high-stakes melodrama and surreptitious relations, in which runaway brides, false marriages, lost children and other moral crises abound. But there is more here than mishegas." —Jake Nevins, New York Times

"The richness of Pogrebin's stories, the complexity and beauty of her storytelling, and her devastatingly honest soul-baring make Shanda a powerfully stunning piece of life and art."
—Mayim Bialik, actor, author, neuroscientist, and co-host of Jeopardy

The word "shanda" is defined as shame or disgrace in Yiddish. This book, Shanda, tells the story of three generations of complicated, intense 20th-century Jews for whom the desire to fit in and the fear of public humiliation either drove their aspirations or crushed their spirit.

In her deeply engaging, astonishingly candid memoir, author and activist Letty Cottin Pogrebin exposes the fiercely-guarded lies and intricate cover-ups woven by dozens of members of her extended family. Beginning with her own long-suppressed secret, the story spirals through the hidden lives of her parents and relatives—revealing the truth about their origins, personal traumas, marital misery, abandoned children, religious transgressions, sexual identity, radical politics, and supposedly embarrassing illnesses. While unmasking their charades and disguises, Pogrebin also showcases her family's remarkable talent for reinvention in a narrative that is, by turns, touching, searing, and surprisingly universal.

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    • Kirkus

      Starred review from August 1, 2022
      Of family secrets, roads not taken, private failings, and other incidents that induce shanda, the Yiddish word for shame. Pogrebin, a prolific author and co-founder of Ms. magazine, begins this lively memoir with her four grandparents, who "produced a combined fourteen offspring, who, in turn, birthed twenty-five children, including me, a cast of characters with enough secrets to fill this book twice over." Once is plenty, as the author's family dammed up a flood of scandalous secrets that have kept her guessing for decades. The sense of shame that propels her stories is amplified by the idea that Jews are often expected to live "morally upright, socially useful, and professionally exemplary" lives, and its effects are far-reaching. When Bernie Madoff went to prison for fraud, destroying the financial lives of some 37,000 people, one son killed himself, another died of shanda-born lymphoma, another went to prison, and Madoff's widow went into hiding and tried to kill herself. "I didn't lose a penny with him, but I, too, felt his swindle to be a blight on the Jewish collective," writes the author. Though not nearly as venal, Pogrebin's family skeletons in the closet are real: She hid a brain tumor from old friend Alan Alda out of shame for being ill, for example, and a grandmother was a runaway bride, thus committing "the heinous sin of publicly shaming a man." In addition, changes of name run throughout the generations to disguise Jewishness in a strange land, "which, I submit, proves that hiddenness, especially hiding one's true identity, is associated with Jews in particular and explains why I think of shame and secrecy as quintessentially Jewish issues." Pogrebin writes with sympathy and affection of these and other foibles, some more and some less serious, whether letting a son skip college to go to culinary school or confessing that she panicked when "one of my daughters almost married a Catholic." A wise, funny look behind the curtains of a family that, it would seem, has little to be ashamed of.

      COPYRIGHT(2022) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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  • English

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